The Most Important Skill
19 Apr 2020When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
– Marcus Aurelius
A few weeks ago I went to the bank, and wore a facial mask. It was, at most, the third time in my entire life when I wore a mask. It felt more secure, but soon enough I noticed that something was missing, something very important.
Can you guess what was it? The ability to make a deep breath of fresh air. At that moment I realised how it is important to breathe freely, and how we underestimate this gift. If current situation went worse, we would need to wear masks most of the time; or, if Earth had been polluted to a level so it would be impossible to breathe without a mask. Partially this is already a problem in many places on this planet. Just imagine what the world would look like if breathing without a mask was a privilege, or unavailable to you?
Almost immediately I felt thankful for the ability to breathe, for the chance to breathe fresh air every day. I knew that when I’m back home, the first breath after removing the mask will be a moment of pure joy.
For many people, life has changed drastically these days. Those who have never worked remotely, learn how to do it; those who have never spent more time than a vacation with their families and partners, now are exposed to each other for 24 hours a day; those who have never worn a facial mask, today use it even when they’re in their own cars.
All these situations are new for most of people. No one is perfect, and especially not everyone is good at managing stress whose levels are suddenly became much higher and for longer periods of time than it was before. One might be stressed out because they can’t go outside, or because of a noisy spouse or kids, or someone in their neighbourhood. The desk is uncomfortable, the food is not that fresh, something else is not that good as you wanted it to be. And so on, and so forth. But there is one particular thing everyone is missing, and surprisingly most of you don’t even realise it, and most of you don’t feel the lack of it. Can you guess what is it?
What people are missing today is gratitude. People complain all the time. This is because of focusing on the wrong. On the gap, not on the gain. Instead of being grateful for what you have today, you feel sad because you don’t have that gadget, that specific meal for dinner, that experience for a weekend, or can’t hangout with folks, or what not. Now is a perfect time to revisit how you see the world, people, situations and things in life.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools you can use to become a better person. Being deeply, sencerely thankful for literally everything in your life can shape the way you interact with the world. It helps to build better relationship at home, at work, anywhere. Two simple words can turn a bad day to one of the best in your life. Everyday.
My parents didn’t teach me how to be thankful in a broader sense. For a large part of my life I had not been thankful for almost everything I’d had. And I would have probably continued to live without paying attention to the gifts I was given. What a miserable life it would have been.
One day I started practicing gratitude purposefully, and since then never missed a day without it. At the beginning it felt unfamiliar, strange and unnatural, as if it was not sincere. But you don’t give up, and continue. You need to develop a deep sense of thankfulness. At the same time I started journalling, so expressing gratitude became part of the process.
Every situation, every thing, each moment has something in it to be grateful for. Even if it seems like things go wrong, it’s still better than it could have been. Try to find something that makes a moment special. Pay attention to what others do for you, and how they percieve you. There’s a multitude of things to be thankful for at the beginnig, during and at the end of a day. So, be thankful.
A few notes on actually expressing gratitude. Personally I don’t think that speciall apps for this are useful. They turn this into a mechanical habit, an interaction between you and device, rather than you and your thoughts and reflections on life’s experiences. This is a very deep and spiritual process, so you need to be focused on thoughs, and you don’t want to be distracted. Instead try this:
- Grab a notebook, or a piece of paper if there is no one, and a pen.
- Do this every day, at the same time, before you started a day.
- 15 minutes is enough.
- Write 10 things you’re thankful for.
- In the middle of a day, think for 5 minutes what’s in the day you’re already thankful for.
- In the evening, before going to bed, spend another 10 minutes to think about another 5 things you’re grateful for, and write them down.
- Repeat on next day.
It took me 5 years from start to these days, and I’m better at this now, but still think I might be more grateful. And yes, I do still write several things in the morning, and in the night. Of cource, as time passes, you’ll notice how more grateful you’re becoming, and this will show up more often in what and how you do everyday. Don’t stop though, and evolve, find ways and tools that allow you to express your gratitude more creatively. Taking notes is only a starting point.
I challenge you, the reader, to be grateful every single day for the next 30 days. Be grateful for what you’re able to do with your body, for what you already have, for those who are around you, for those who care about you. And then, continue for the rest of your life.
Thank you for your time and attention.